Becky's Bizzaro

Going to be nobody for a while

2009-01-12T22:53:00.004-05:00

From Sailing Home: Using Homer's Odyssey to Navigate Life's Perils and Pitfalls by Norman Fischer. I found it on one of my favorite blogs superhero journal. It hit me like a ton of bricks...

Few of us are willing to actually be ourselves. Mostly, we deny, berate, or ignore ourselves, preferring self-deception, judgementalism, or just plain oblivion. Being ourselves involves awareness and acceptance of our craftiness and our imperfection-and this awareness tames us, so that we can understand and appreciate our quirks and the quirks of others. It gives a broader, deeper perspective.

Perfection is not our spiritual goal. We do not aspire to be Nobody. We are and need to be Somebody, wily and crafty enough to interact with others, but avoiding the risk of puffing ourselves up and becoming swollen and blind with self-concern. But to be Somebody in a balanced way, without overdoing it, we need to appreciate the experience of being Nobody from time to time.

To be Nobody is not to enter some fantiastic condition of egolessness. It is simply to be willing and able, when it is time, to drop the self, to let Somebody go and surrender to circumstances. We do this as a discipline when we give ourselves over in meditation or in prayer. We do it too, in those rare but always absorbing moments of abandonment that can come in art or work or love. We might need to do it at any moment of living- to let go on a moment's notice of what we think we are and what we think we want, and be willing to turn around on a dime, trusting what comes instead of evaluating and resisting it. To be Nobody is to float on the ocean of stories with faith, and without thrashing around too much, willing to wait for the proper current to take us where we need to go.

Festival of the Masters - Chalk Art

2008-11-14T08:34:00.004-05:00

To be an artist -

What courage!

To be a chalk artist -

What bravery!

All that beautiful work

Only to be washed away

By the rain and the man with a pressure washer!

Cranes at the Omni Hotel

2008-11-13T22:21:00.005-05:00

Where do the
feathers
of a bird come from?

Are they the eyelashes of God?

They lift the bird
to heaven
as they lift
my spirit

Autumn's whisper

2008-09-14T23:18:00.003-05:00

Autumn's whisper

Showed up today

When the light of our day shifted in the doorway

Over my shoulder - the breezes moved

From behind instead of

Out front - (it was just March when I felt it move to the front?)

Winter is only a minute away

Enjoy my fleeting warmth

I'm leaving for Australia

Said the sun as it danced on the waters

The sunflower closed up shop

The moon came up and said don't worry so much

Summer will come again

Enjoy these autumn days

I will still follow you

Winter will come soon enough

Go to the beach...

2008-06-07T08:02:00.004-05:00

Go to the beach
Sit down a while
Look out across the sea
Before you know it
You'll find the reflection of time

Go out and sit in the sand
It's warm and the sun is hot
But the breeze is coming off
The edges of the deep blue water
The sand it has been warming itself there
for a billion years

Wait for the sun to
Cross over to the other side
The sea birds will descend soon
Dinner time!
The crabs run for their lives

The sun is sending the clouds into
A slow dance with moon
Shadows are making their way into the water
Dipping into dark blues over turquoise patches
The tops of the clouds turn into pink meringue

Got to the beach
Be charmed
All your disasters
Are nothing in the sea
Let the saltwater scour it away

Worship my idols

2008-06-02T07:25:00.003-05:00

Worship my idols
Bow before me
I am a ghost
But my words are engraved
Into the hearts of those
Who fear to know better

I feast on fear
I compel obedience
Thinking doesn't help you
Just follow me to a better life
My atrocities are yours too

Because the group survives
Much better than the loner
Humans travel in packs
And every pack must have
A leader

And twist my manifesto
For when I'm dead
You can sell statues of me
To foreigners from around the world
And you will still
Eat well on my fame

Cool Tunes

2008-05-21T14:06:00.005-05:00

Miami Boat Show

2008-02-18T19:05:00.002-05:00

I am at the Miami boat show. Big does not describe it.

G I G A N T I C yachts

L A R G E fake boobs - everywhere - in tops not suited for their saggy sacks

H U G E egos - floating across docks with cigars

E N O R M O U S - purveyors of liquid dreams of all sorts

The wild ocean is just over there and we are all here being civilized and not laughing that someone will be buying a 21 million dollar yacht today.

I hear that just down the street someone is killing someone else for a pair of $200 dollar sneakers. Someone is pulling half eaten hot dogs out of trash can because they don't know when they will eat next.

The most beautiful thing I saw today was a manatee that came to the docks for the fresh water that was pouring out of a leaky valve.

She was by far the most magnificent thing I saw all day.

Yes We Can

2008-02-08T15:13:00.001-05:00

Because you always...

2007-12-06T12:50:00.000-05:00

have to go when you can't find one! Visit this nifty web site:

Mizpee.

Soul Art For Sale

2007-11-21T11:03:00.000-05:00

"Do not think you will necessarily be
aware of your own enlightenment."
- Shunryu Suzuki

B E A U T Y

2007-11-18T11:40:00.000-05:00

I found this on Jen Gray's Web site - wow.

On the backs of ghost horses

2007-11-13T07:25:00.000-05:00

Oaklahoma

Praire song

Mama don't let your
babies grow up to be cowboys

Haus and Little Joe

Plains and Buffalo

The Great West

The Cherokee People

Cheyenne, Chickasaw, Chinook, Comanche, Creek

Bannock and Blackfoot

Navajo

Shawnee

Sioux

Paiute, Pawnee and Pueblo

So many more voices carried on the stalks of the grasses

under the stones of the rivers

On the backs of the ghost horses

Famous Words

2007-11-12T07:50:00.000-05:00

Recently I have had the misfortune of listening to three separate instances of "America bashing" - really obnoxious, downright disheartening American Bashing. Topics included gasoline, the dollar and silly as it may sound American snobbery over screw top wine.

I'm no flag waving, drink the koolaid, patriot. I'm the first to say I don't care for our current president or his policies. I think his administration has done more damage to our system of government than any presidency before him and the congress is only interested in the next election. By chance, I heard this speech by an American leader and was struck by them and the juxtaposition they had with the three instances of American bashing:

"The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.

The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July. It is the idea which founded our nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else -- public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We’ve always believed in something called progress. We’ve always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.

Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom; and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.

In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we’ve discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We’ve learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.

The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next five years will be worse than the past five years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.

As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.

These changes did not happen overnight. They’ve come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.

We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the Presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate.

We remember when the phrase “sound as a dollar” was an expression of absolute dependability, until ten years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our nation’s resources were limitless until 1973 when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.

These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed.

Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal Government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our nation’s life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.

What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well-financed and powerful special interests.

You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.

Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don’t like it, and neither do I. What can we do?

First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans."

This was just a small part of a speech, delivered July 15, 1979 by president Jimmy Carter. The speech title: Energy and the National Goals - A Crisis of Confidence

Island Meals Included

2007-10-04T08:52:00.000-05:00

Breakfast Menu (for two)
La Meridien Hotel - Vanuatu

Four very fresh, warm croissants
traditional and French Flaky
and full of buttery sweetness

Pawpaw (Papaya) - it deep orange is pure in its fragrance
White pineapple with black seeds - exotic
Peaches USA canned and friendly - familiar
Grapefruit the size of a softball
Silly small and sweet bananas

Spreads from the book of forgotten places including:

Star anise chutney
Coconut lime butter
Pawpaw jam

Mango goo

Dark slightly bitter but certainly hot - coffee

New Zealand dairy cream

You

Notebook

Rain

Pen

Served until 11:00 am

Timeline

2007-09-14T00:48:00.000-05:00

Once again Superhero Journal has sparked my interest in writing to my blog. She was inspired by Mighty Girl (perhaps a side kick?)... anyway here goes:

My first decade

Age 1: I am told by our family lore that my mom watched fireworks in 90 degree heat desperately hoping I would make my appearance.

Age 2: Mom goes out -most likely to feel like a person again and to get a breather from my sister and me- babysitter left to calm me as I scream and pound on our back door for a very long time. Have deep sense of fear she will not come back (of course she did and probably with a new dress, hairdo and refreshed mind).

Age 3: Preschool - love playing on the huge very colorful "train" jungle gym in the school yard. (Much later in life, I drive by old preschool and see said train - looks very small. )

Age 4: Get ColorForms Haunted House toy - this toy is a plastic version of felt pieces you place on and take off a background image. I Spend endless hours absorbed by placing items around the haunted house background. The pieces included witches, bats and other Halloween items. I spend further hours making up stories about the house, what is going on inside.

Age 5: Kindergarten, in an effort to make sure our teeth would not rot out of heads the public school system has us do some kind of fluoride dye test. We swish and rinse, to see if our teeth are indeed roting. Repeatedly told - do not swallow evil liquid fluoride dye, it will make you sick. I make a huge effort to not swallow but Amy Gormon does not. Shortly after swishing activity she wretches loudly and at full force upon the table we are sitting at. By pure chain reaction I follow suit as does the boy sitting next to me. Teacher scolds us for 1) Puking - 2) swallowing the fluoride dye. I remember going home and telling my mom over and over I didn't drink the dye.

Age 6: First grade - attend private school - start to write cursive letters perfectly except they are all backwards. Mom and dad tell school this unique talent is also something Leonardo daVinci did - just hold it up to a mirror - see no problem! Uptight private school assumes my left handed backwards writing can be easily fixed by jacking me up on Ritalin. Fall asleep regularly in classroom. I remember my first grade teacher telling me not to put my head on the desk. Mom and dad tell school - just say no to drugs (way before Nancy Reagan btw)... private school says I take the drugs or can go somewhere where reading backwards writing is accepted. Mom and Dad put me back at public school hoping that they will not notice my unusual writing skills. Public school doesn't care.

Age 7: Meet best friend in second grade and embark on a friendship that will last a lifetime.

Age 8: Make plans to run away and hang out in foothills behind our suburb with best friend but foiled by older sister. Dad takes best friend and me camping, fishing and hiking in the California Sierras. Some of the best days of my life.

Age 9: I am allowed to iron my dads hankies in front of the TV. I am standing on a stool and doing my best to get all the wrinkles out. The Flying Nun is on and then a special news report breaks in and announces that the last plane from Saigon has landed in the United States. I have a very specific memory of men walking down the stairs of the airplane onto the tarmac. I also remember feeling very sad and not knowing why.

Age 10: Mom and Dad rent large RV camper in July, pack my moody teenage sister, one paranoid dog and drive us across the USA and back. Begin serious addiction to wanderlust and realize there is a very big world to explore. Remember the great sentenial celebration across the entire USA.

Too long between blogs!

2007-09-05T23:48:00.000-05:00

My wonderful chika Mom on a Mission and I had a delightful time having some wonderful *i c e * c r e a m * last Wednesday and I've been meaning to shout out to her.

Another blog I read all the time Superhero Journal had something that hit me square on tonight. What Scares You?

I read it and thought - yeah - well lots of things scare me! In terms of the world as I was driving home tonight I heard Terry Gross interview of Pulitzer Prize winner Charlie Savage whose new book describes how the Bush-Cheney administration has expanded executive power.

It is scary to me what Bush and Chenney have done to our system of government. What leaves me most frightened, Mr. Savage specifically raises: The US government can arrest anyone, decide they are an enemy combatant, hold them in prison, never charge them and give them no trial. Pretty scary.Hear the interview here.

Other items that scare me - for another blog.

PARK(ing) Day - 9/21/2007

2007-08-23T14:46:00.000-05:00

One of my all time favorite blogs to visit: http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/
wanted us to spread the word so here it is:

On 9/21/07 people around the globe will convert metered parking spaces into temporary public open spaces. The first "PARK(ing) Day" was in 2006, which included 47 PARKs in 13 cites around the globe, including San Francisco, Berkeley, Cleveland, NYC, London, Glasgow, Manchester, Rio de Janeiro, and others. The Mayor of San Francisco even built a PARK in his parking space!

Everything you need to know is on the PARK(ing) Day website and you can see the video trailer of last year's event here.

The goal of PARK(ing) Day is to:
1) inspire people to reconsider the way our streets are used;
2) generate meaningful dialog regarding the planning principles that continue to unsustainably privilege the automobile above other uses of public space,
3) and to put a big smile on your face!

8 things tagged

2007-08-04T11:46:00.000-05:00

We have to post these rules before we give you the facts: Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.

1 - I hate being phsicially cold more than anything and yawn incessantly if I do become cold.

2 - I close my eyes during movie previews in theaters if the contnet is too violent and I really hate it when you go to see a comedy and they show a preview for a horror flick!

3 - I am ashamed that I have never learned a foreign language.

4 - I still add and subtract using my fingers to help and I hate long division- math has never been a strong point for me.

5 - I secretly desire to write novels or poetry like Amy Tan or Rumi.

6 - I do not like French's yellow mustard on sandwiches, hamburgers or hot dogs.

7 - I will wear the most uncomfortable shoe on earth if matches my outfit right.

8 - I love to watch sunsets over bodies of water - ocean, lake, river, stream, puddle - just doesn't matter as long as water is present.

Tequila

2007-07-27T21:38:00.000-05:00

blind drunk
but pure gold
talking syrups
they let the drippy
sappy sad and happy
words spill
right out of your pretty mouth
and that's all he's thinking
pretty mouth
the words themselves
nothing
ramblings of the inner spaces
let loose
under the gate of the sleeping
inhibitor
the left brain has left the builidng
'nother round he says
and around she goes

DNA and the Queen

2007-06-27T22:11:00.000-05:00

Archaeologists using DNA testing said they have identified a mummy discovered more than a century ago as Queen Hatshepsut, Egypt's most powerful female pharoah. Her 22-year rule ended in 1453 B.C. and was the longest among ancient Egyptian queens.

I wondered about disturbing her and the power and light she must have carried in the world. She was famous then and she is famous now.

More it's the DNA testing that caught my attention and made me realize that the code that identifies this great queen is also inside each one of us with it's pattern, like a map, identifiying who it is we are - or are not as the case may be.

That there is a technology that allows us to peer into the devine make up of how every cell in the universe is delivered into this world. And that same technology can determine the linage of a Queen who lived so many centries ago. Pretty amazing.

Lesson of the day...

2007-06-09T17:42:00.000-05:00

Suffering comes from wanting things to be another way than they actually are -

Although that is such a harsh reality- there it is - loud, clear and full of this world.

I know somewhere back there in my brain is the thought that my own suffering - will move on eventually - maybe it moves when I can accepted the way things are.

But boy, I so do want it to be another way than it is right now.

I'm standing on the high dive looking down...

2007-05-30T07:37:00.001-05:00

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning May 31
Copyright 2007 by Rob Brezsny
http://FreeWillAstrology.com

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In her CD *Spiritual Madness: The Necessity of Meeting God in Darkness,* Caroline Myss tells us that wading through messy darkness is an essential part of our search for meaning. She doesn't recommend that we avoid chaos at all costs, or even just accept it with resignation. Rather, we should welcome it as a gift that can teach us crucial secrets about how to become ourselves. I agree with Myss. That's why I advise you not to resent the confusion before you. And don't just mindlessly clean it up as fast as you can, either. Instead, dive into it. Celebrate it. Allow it to change you into a riper, wiser, more beautiful soul.

Interview

2007-05-28T09:25:00.000-05:00

From my dear pal Mom on a Mission - come the interview:

If you could go back in time to any place or time you wished, where and when would you go?

Time would be the Renaissance, place Florence, Italy. I think to be part of the Medici family in the 1470's would have been really wonderful.

If you had to move anywhere else right now, where would you move to?

California

What is the greatest gift you have ever given?

I know this sounds so corny but the gift of unconditional love is what comes to mind- also forgiveness.

If someone were to look at your bookshelf right now, what would they see?

Depends on which bookshelf! The one with reading books on it is filled with novels - latest favorite is The Glass Castle. On my night stand is The Inheritance of Loss.

What is the bravest thing you have ever done?

I'm pretty much a coward.

The Rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Cherry

2007-05-17T06:47:00.000-05:00

I have a small offering of bird seed on my balcony. It's not much, a little bird seed bell shaped thing. I bought it after I saw so many red cardinals in our neighborhood.

I thought I might be able to attract some birds - after weeks of no luck one morning a large cardinal chirped his happy self all over that bell. A few mornings later he came again. He's been a regular but not everyday. He has a wonderful little chirp. He does a little dance all around the bell. And his chirp sometimes wakes me up.

This morning I heard a lot of chipping. More than usual. I got up and peaked outside - he was there with his mate - they were dancing around and doing the bird jitter bug. Just so happy to have some bird seed and each other. It was a beautiful site.

I love the red in their feathers - it's like no other color on the planet. Growing up in California we did not have cardinals - we had plenty of other interesting birds but no vibrant red feathers like these guys. I know why 7 states selected this bird for their own. There is something so regal and yet so charming about them.

I think of birds as messengers of some kind. Mini earth angles looking to send greetings that all is really good in the world and that birds are flying in the wild, singing and being in love with their mates and taking them to the lady who put some bird seed out for them so they could chrip and wake her up.

Always wondered this myself...

2007-05-03T06:37:00.000-05:00

Please read today's comic for Non Sequitur...

Makes a lot of sense to me!

Amen Mr. Read

2007-04-20T12:08:00.000-05:00

From the PR News wire...

Peter Read, who lost his 19-year-old daughter Mary to the shootings, also urged television stations to stop broadcasting the hate-filled videos of Cho, the 23-year-old English major who carried out the killings, and several networks agreed to scale back.

"We want the world to know and celebrate our children's lives, and we believe that's the central element that brings hope in the midst of great tragedy," Read said. "These kids were the best that their generation has to offer."

I suggest we take the Imus approach - if you believe that the airing of Cho's video/pictures should be turned off - then please let the advertisers that support those stations know you will no longer be buying their products or watching that station. And make good on your threat.

Don't like gun control? How about bullet control instead

2007-04-18T10:41:00.000-05:00

Another school shooting - how pathetic that the word "another" is in front of school!

Just wondering - if anyone else thinks that perhaps we need to exam how it is a 22 year old gets a hold of that much fire power? Does anyone else question what influence our media and video game culture might have on individuals in our society who are not coping with "life" - that they can actually take a fantasy world they've created and then take to the real world. With real deaths of innocent people.

Part of me would really rather focus on the amazing people who lost their lives - because they are worth changing the way we do things in this country. If this doesn't scream for better control of weapons in this country I do not know what does. What type of world are we creating here?

50 things about me

2007-04-12T09:04:00.000-05:00

50 things about me

This meme is courtesy of Mom on a Mission...if you want to do it, too, please leave a comment with a link to your post! I don't know why I do these but sometimes they are fun!

1.Whats your name spelled backwards?
snikrep ykceb

2. What did you do last night?
Ate dinner out at Pei Wei with hubby stopped at Office Max, booked a weekend in Miami, watched two episodes of from Here to the Moon on DVD and went to bed

3. The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
NPR's Hidden Kitchens series

4. Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?
Um can't say I have - why would you want to?

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Two weeks ago - Fort Wilderness Lodge WDW

6. What are you wearing?
Tee shirt and pajama bottoms

7. How many cars have you owned?

Two- Toyota Tercel in green and a sliver Mercedes SLK 230 - free and clear on both! BTW will never by such a stupid thing again - what a waste of dough. The tercel was by far been the better deal.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
Gangster Rap

9. Are you registered to vote?
Yes -and I'm sure that's why I got called to jury duty this year

10. Do you have cable?
Nope

11. What kind of computer do you use?
Lenovo IBM Stink Pad T60 - I secretly lust for a Mac

12. Ever made a prank phone call?
Yes but don't tell my mom

13. You like anyone right now?
Yes Kris, the person who wrote these questions was definitely 12 yrs old - the guy I married - I like him!

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Neither appeals

15. Furthest place you ever traveled?
Mauritius an island nation off the coast of Africa in the southwest Indian Ocean, about 900 kilometers (560 mi) east of Madagascar.

16.Do you have a garden?
No, but someday I will - if nothing else someday I will have an herb garden

17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
I'm with Kris "For Better or For Worse"...but Rose is Rose is a close second

18. Do you know all the words to the national anthem?
I know the pledge of allegiance but I do get a little lost sometimes with the national anthem...(I suck)...

19. Shower, morning or night?
AM - I have way too much hair on my head to go to bed with it wet

20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
The Queen but that was over a month ago

21. Favorite pizza toppings?
Pepperoni with black olives

22. Chips or popcorn?
Do tortilla chips count?

23. What cell phone provider do you have?
Cingular (which I hate but who likes their cell carrier?)

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Inhaling anything into the lungs that is not clean fresh air is against my religion

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No

26. Orange Juice or apple?
Apple

27. Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?
My parents and family (at Easter)

28. Favorite chocolate bar?
All time fav - swiss dark chocolate
American brands Butterfinger but I also *love* the Snickers... talk about empty calories!

29. Who is your longest friend and how long?
Deidra, at least 33 years...but Katie, Kelly and Kris have been there for the long haul too!

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Last summer - my father in law - a Arkansas native grows them every summer (yummy)

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes, for Karate

32. Favorite artist?
Music or fine art? Depends on the mood

33. Favorite computer game?
Don't really have one

34. Ever ordered from an infomercial?
No

35. Sprite or 7-UP?
Ginger ale, but 7UP if I had to choose

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?
Work...I was a hotel maid for an internship and also wore bakery & chef's garb

37. Last thing you bought at the store?
Milk

38. Ever thrown up in public?
No but I've come close

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?
True love - if you have it you can not measure its wealth

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No

41.Can exes just be friends?
Yes but it depends on the ex and for how long you were together

42. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My mother-in-law

43. Did you have long hair as a young kid?
Yes

44. What message is on your voicemail machine?
Hi, you've reached...

45. Where would you like to go right now?
St. Lucia - LeSport

46. What was the name of your first pet?
Duchess

47. What kind of back pack do you have, and what’s in it?
I haven't seen my *backpack* since I took it trekking through China/India in circa 1990 (how sad is that?)--- if you mean a book bag for like school, I don't use those anymore

48. Last incoming/outgoing call on your phone?
My husband telling me he doesn't have the car key - while I'm standing in the luggage area at the airport waiting for our bags. In our brilliance he went to fetch the car and I went to fetch the bags... only I had the car key!

49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I live in a place that will reach 80 degrees today and I can wear shorts at night - how lucky I am to be living this life!

50. What do you think about most?
Oh lord - I think WAY too much about like everything!

Jury Duty

2007-03-21T17:00:00.000-05:00

This is the Orange County courthouse where I spent my day today. I had jury duty... I don't think anyone wants to win the jury duty lottery but yet we all know we should do our part. I just know if I was sitting on the other side, accused of a crime, I would want a fair person to be selected to judge me so that motivated me to go- that and I have rejected the request twice and was expecting one of those cards that says you can't reject anymore was looming in my future.

On the whole, the process was not bad. I can say that they have worked pretty hard to make sure that jury duty is not unpleasant. The jury room, free WiFi, local phone calls, food, etc. But the tension in the room for sure is that no one wants to be there - everyone has somewhere, somebody and something they NEED to be doing and yet we are here in the room awaiting OUR fates... murder trial, drug trial, civil suit - sit here all day and never get called?

I got called to go to panel for criminal case. But I was rejected and released. I think it was the questions about law enforcement... do you know any law enforcement?- Yes I do. Would you take the testimony of a law enforcement agent as more truthful or believe it over a citizens testimony? Well couldn't honestly say that I wouldn't . I just said- honestly (to which the judge said YES honestly!) I would weigh the testimony of a police officer much higher than anyone else. To me that just seems like a loaded question.

I don't think I would be "blinded" by it (maybe I would?)... I just grew up with a strong belief that law enforcement officers don't lie and are to be trusted more than others in our society. The judge questioned me a lot about it but I finally said in a very firm voice - I would honestly have a hard time not believing what a law enforcement officer says is true and that would not be fair to the defendant.

At that point I think the defence attorney crossed my name off the list!

I was returned to the "pool" with my other fellow rejected jurors only to be told we were free to go - time served. A collective sigh from the group.

Question of the Day - the anti-meme

2007-03-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

Indigo asked this on the Question of the Day:

What are three things you’ve never done?

(1) Never gotten on an airplane w/o asking God to keep it/us safe

(2) Never seen Australia

(3) Never been to a bull fight

Ugly

2007-02-20T07:53:00.000-05:00

I'm either going to have to change my "My Yahoo!" page or something in this world has to change. I don't think there has been a day in over a 100 days that I have not gotten up in the morning to be greeted by a headline about some bomb going off in Iraq that has killed numerous innocent Iraqi people.

PLEASE STOP IT NOW.

I heard a commentary recently that really stuck out for me. Everyone knows the American people are "tired" of the war. What we failed to understand is that "war" has been going on LONG before we showed up to take the dictator who had it "under control" out. Ok, I'll admit he had all these fighting people by squashed with secret death squads and that sucks too. But why didn't we try some other ways to negotiate rather than invading? Talk about opening a can of worms!

Now the fighting groups (and there are actually more than just TWO, btw)... realize the USA is not sticking around long term (hmm like a 100 years or more) - so you'd better seize your revenage NOW. The next "Saddam" will be stepping in shortly.

Yoga Girl

2007-02-19T08:29:00.000-05:00

We just got back into yoga - Bikram's hot box yoga. 110 degrees, 26 poses and 90 minutes of total body concentration.

I really miss it. I used to do it three times a week. When hubby worked and was traveling all the time. I was alone in a new town and nothing to do. I started right after 9/11. I had done some yoga by DVD but wanted a class.

My yoga teacher used to say all the time how yoga helps tighten the screws in your head and I kept thinking no no no - I need something to help loosen them - everything is so tight it's going to pop! But ultimately he was right - I needed tightening - everything was too lose and bouncing around upon itself!

I had passed by the studio a numerous times, and stopped one day and picked up the brochure. I thought ok I'll give it a try.

It's not they type of thing that you just say I'll try it today. You have to prepare first. No food 2 hours before and hydrate by drinking mass amounts of water BEFORE class.

If you have never felt sweat come from your scalp you will in this class. Have you ever had sweat come out of your ears? You will in this class.

I've gone to only once a week because that's the only thing hubby will do and now that he no longer goes to "work" I'm stuck with a shared schedule. I'm tired of sharing my every minute. I don't want him to go away but I'd also like some more freedom.

Something I'm going to have to work on ---

Searching

2007-02-11T12:45:00.000-05:00

It is rare that I come across something that reflects not only things I have experienced first hand but also describes exactly how I have "felt" (feel?)... anwyay here's a radio piece that does just that:

Looking for the Ark, and Finding Humanity

Here's the poem I wrote that connected me well to the story:

Random Rules of Third World Travel

Rule no. 154
Never take your pen out when at the hotel registry
It’s sure to be handed over blindly to the hotel clerk
Never to be returned

Rule no. 128
Learn at least some phrases of the country you visit:
Hello
Thank you
Please
I’m so sorry I don’t speak (fill in the blank)
Excuse me or pardon me

Rule no 183
If you are at all grateful for having the luxury of being able to see other parts of the world
Examine closely the currency - it’s full of stories and history if you look
Learn how to count the money of the country you are in
Become aquainted with the impact this paper has on the people you interact with

Rule no 210
Do not photograph people practicing their religion - unless you have been invited to do so

Rule no 211
Real life does not appear the same on a 3 by 5 piece of imagery placed in your scrap book-don’t forget to experience the place in real time (in doubt always go back to rule 210)

Rule no. 155
Pack extra pens and pass them out freely

Mom Jeans and my blog circuit

2007-01-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd share some of my time sinks that I love in the blog-o-spher. As tribute and also acknoweldgement to how awesome these people are and all that they are doing - keeping us updated, speaking their mind, sharing their experiences, telling truth as they see it.

I'm making a promise to myself to blog more and to kick it off I thought I'd share my little circuit of blogs I read...

My daily check in with the Keene clan to see what those cutie pie twins are up too...

Then it is over to...

My best buddy Mom on a Mission. She has just tossed her 'mom' jeans. I cycle through a pair myself and bought some long and leans which I learned about on William Sledds YouTube site - talk about a time sink...

Next I stop on in at Micro Preemie Twins site, a site I started visiting when the Keene clan had their preemies. I got hooked and now I like to get caught up and see how the girls are progressing. Billie is one of my heros - she's just awesome and her girls are the bomb...

After that I go over to Jen Gray who puts my world into perspective and gets me to 'think' once in a while - also fulfills the artsy fartsy person in me with little effort - she rocks in poetry and picutres - today she is "happy"... her blog turned me on to...

Superhero Journal and her blog well it's the the definition of super hero. She says a lot of things that I say to myself... she just had a beautiful baby boy named Ben and with humor she's telling us how it really is - and may make me brave enough to take the leap myself...

My blog habit is better than TV and these voices are just awesome to read... I don't go everyday but at least once a week. The weird part about it is other than Mom on a Mission and Keeping a Keene watch -people I know in REAL life and who I've known since high school- with the others I'm starting to feel like I "sort of know" them - but clearly I don't and they don't know me!

Anyway thank you ladies for your contributions to the world you make my day! Blog-on!!!

Perspective

2007-01-22T23:27:00.000-05:00

I don't write much
anymore
I used to write
all the time

But that was when
Those words didn't get posted
To the world

Now I feel
I must always say something
"important"

Now I realize
Important
Is always a matter of

Timing & perspective
The most important words

---I forgive you

---I love you

---I am here for you

---Whatever you need

---It really doesn't matter

---You're my favorite

---You're beautiful - inside and out

---You're perfect just the way you are

---Thank you

---Your welcome

Just depends on when you hear it and where you're at when you say it.

Dug up from 2002

2007-01-14T02:04:00.000-05:00

Here's something I came upon that I wrote in 2002 --- just seems to fit as well today:

I was just listening to the radio - they were talking about a famous reporter that died yesterday. He died of Pneumonia and I thought about how it is that most people do - die that way. Our lungs are these all important pair of oxygen tanks that keep that blood able to feed the brain and all those body parts. These squishy organs even have their all powerful armor of ribs around them. And I think about breathing - pulling in air and releasing it - pulling in and releasing it. We do it all night long as we sleep, we do it when we wake in the morning and drink our coffee, we do it when we are grocery shopping. In-out, in out, in out. I started taking Yoga - Bikram's Yoga - (yoga in a really hot room) and the most difficult part for me is the breathing. I have forgotten what it is like to run as a two year old who has just learned to walk - this is that same process so it's familiar but also lost. Breathing with all my lungs seems like an impossible task. I try to suck all that air in through my windpipe so that my muscles get all that extra oxygen - but there are times where I wonder if this is what it is like to lay in a hospital bed at 82 trying to get some last bits of air before the flood of my lungs drown me. I really feel for all those folks out there that suffer from lung related diseases. Which always makes me wonder why anyone would want to suck on rolled up pieces of lighted tar and tobacco - which includes my parents? My mother (late who's in her late sixties) smoke for many years - started in the 1950's when everyone smoked. She quit when I was in college but by then her lungs were already damaged. My father too - smoked from his 20's until his 60's - a bit longer than my mother. I saw a young man who was maybe fourteen - smoking a cig - he thought he was the coolest thing - all I could think was - stop that! I need you to provide my social security dummy and I plan on living past a 100! Breath in - breath out. These days if you dumb enough to spend money on a known lung killer that does nothing more then send your nervous system into over drive - well what can I say - it's a free country, until my Medicare has to pay for your sorry ass and the oxygen tank your pulling behind you - loser. Oh but you look soooo cool (not!). Smokers stink... okay enough - uncle - breath in - breath out and don't smoke!

War on Terror - right here at home...

2006-12-05T08:05:00.000-05:00

All you have to do to know Al-Quida is going to win the "war on terror" is listen to this NPR story about returning Iraq soliders:

Part 1
Part 2

I am so disgusted after hearing these stories I am sick to my stomach. Terror? Who needs foreign terror? We have our own brand right here created in our own army.

Listen to these 20 year olds talk about their terror both in Iraq and via the health system that is suposed to help them.

Listen to another soldier coldly explain that you have to be a "man" -- there is no mercy in the army for weakness of mind. I'm going to go puke.

If you need more graphic evidence pick up the most recent issue of National Geographic which has a expose on the medical conditions and injuries in Iraq. It's not for kids.

God help us.

Lots to be thankful for...

2006-11-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

I feel very lucky to have so many things to be thankful for!

One thing I am particularly appreciative of was outlined beautifully in a piece the by opinion columnist Kathleen Parker. Win or lose, democracy stands was printed in the Sunday Orlando Sentinal right after the November election.

I really loved how she said "On Election Day, no one had to step over a pool of blood to get to the polls; no one had to risk a sniper's bullet or an improvised explosive device to cast a ballot. And no one had to worry that sore losers might drag "traitors" from their cars for preferring a different approach to governance."

It really is something we should ALL be thankful for -shortly after reading this piece I heard a story on NPR about the fighting in Congo and it really drove it home for me Peacekeeper Jumps to Aid in Kinshasa Gun Fight and it is truely a statement that we can dislike what our leaders are doing, replace to those leaders, and no one is picking up arms to kill there neighbor about it.

Pretty powerful - now if we could just spread it around - if we could just show those picking up arms that their world would really BE better if they didn't. If they would be peaceful in their protest and the leaders would be gracious and not fix elections. If everyone realized (including our own Prez) that most powerful thing a leader can do is to promote peaceful solutions. Working together always trumps shooting each other.

Now that would be something extra to be giving thanks for!

Dinner & Stuff

2006-11-13T16:40:00.000-05:00

My dearest hot mama blogger Mom on a Mission has inspired me to blog this weeks' dinner plans.

Can I just say it is hell-a-hard to cook for two people?! At least it is for me because I'm not a big left-overs person. Thank God hubby is and usually ends up eating whatever it is for lunch the following day. There are very few things I really like to eat re-heated or cold from the night before. Here goes:

Monday: Turkey Stuffed Red Peppers, & Salad (from a bag!)
Tuesday: Grilled Mahi Mahi, Steamed Broccoli & Couscous-
Wednesday: Crock Pot BBQ Chicken Wings, Corn Bread, Celery Sticks, Blue Cheese dipping sauce
Thursday: Cheese Raviolis (costco!) in Red Sauce (costco!), Salad (from a bag!)
Friday: Kielbasa, Sauerkraut, roasted veggies, and buttermilk biscuits

We will eat a Pecan & Raisin Apple Crisp I made for dessert until it runs out. We don't always have a dessert but in the autumn and winter I always like to bake. I feel truely blessed in this world that we not only have food to eat each day but choices too. So many people on this earth don't get enough to eat and that is a shame when there is soooo much food on the planet.

Skinny Boy Bradley

2006-11-05T12:38:00.000-05:00

What is your Blue's Name? Go see at Sticky Fingers.

Bill and I stopped in North Carolina to have some Sticky Fingers BBQ on our way to Virgina for my cousin's wedding in October. MMMM - I have to say some of the best bbq I've ever had. They have devine sauces too. The meat melts in your mouth. California kids do not know bbq - we just don't. It's in the water in the Carolina's. You can not duplicate it either - you just have to have it here.

I like my Blue's name too - Skinny Boy Bradley! Bill's Blues name is Muddy Fingers Jackson. Perfect for a computer geeks who can't type.

In other news we vote this week (please do it) and some wise words from Swami Beyondananda's 2006 State of the Universe Address:For millennia, spiritual teachers have been calling on us to go for the highest common denominator, but we've always seemed to end up with the lowest common dominator instead. And now, George W. Bush has done what preachers, teachers and other far-sighted visionaries have failed to do up until now: His policies have been so alarming, that he has awakened a slumbering body politic that slept through all previous alarms. Where others have failed, he has people all across the world praying, "God help us!" And instead of waiting for an intervention from above -- after all, we cannot expect to be fed intervenously forever -- people are beginning to help themselves, and even more importantly, help each other.

Amen - get out and vote!!!

SHINE

2006-10-21T22:27:00.000-05:00

SHINE

Rain drain my play away
Sun gun me down and burn me
Nature hates me today
My head distorts reality
Madness just moved into my shadow

Shine - i will not cry and i will not die no
Shine - i will be there for me
Shine - i will not cry and i will be mine
I'll shine - shine

- Imogen Heap

I just love those lines about nature hating me and madness just moved into my shadow. The music that goes along with this song makes it much better but every once in a while a you listen to a song, a poem, read a book and whama - it just know where you are exactly. Not that I'm going mad but I was listening to this song right a moment where I had forgotten that you can also "shine" even when nature hates you. Amazing what an iPod can do for you!

College * S.A.T. * and other thoughts about growing up

2006-10-09T07:36:00.000-05:00

I heard an NPR story this morning about the stress that the U.S. youth are feeling about getting into college. I listen to a parent, who told her daughter, when she was in 7th grade, she'd better "get some interests" - so she could get into a good college. The story went on to tell us how her daughter shortly after this conversation began to have stomach aches. What's up with that?

The story continued on and on about the pressures of teenagers are feeling to get into a top tier school. As if not making it into one of these schools means you are a failure for life. More reasons for the fall of the modern Roman empire.

The story resonates with me because over the summer the son of a cousin of my husband, announced his intentions to try and go to Princeton. When the story was relayed to me, I responded by saying how wonderful, what is it that he wants to study at Princeton? Silly me, I had assumed that Princeton held some sort of specialty focus that he was interested in. Nope. Just wants to go to Princeton. Well part of me was like - yeah good for him go for Princeton and the other was like wholly crap you're going to pay some enormous amount of money and you don't even know what you want to study?

How sad that our society values most is what you do with yourself before college and not during or after. This all sounds to me like a society focused on money and power - not learning. I can't wait for the backlash to this push for everyone to attend Harvard, Yale, and Princeton.

Heros and other thoughts

2006-09-28T22:37:00.000-05:00

I was soaring across the country last night. It's really ODD that you can put your self into a tin can with wings and within a FIVE hour time frame watch the sun go down and come up.

We did took an Alaska Airlines flight so we had to go through Seattle first so we went from one extreme end of the country to the other.

It's amazing how well lighted our cities and towns are, there is NO LACK of lighting - you see these wide swaths of brightened landscapes with twinkling lights.

I saw natures light in the thunderstorms that were off in a distance.

I watched a movie in my lap - Water - an Indian film about widows during the 1930's. It made me think about faith and what it means. The rules we live by and why we question and don't question those "rules"...

Meanwhile, some nice person brought me things to eat and drink -with a cheerie smile - while I stayed buckled up. Like what good is that seat belt really going to do me if the flying can takes a dive at 500 miles per hour?

I always "feel the force" on take off's and landings. I think it stems from either an overactive mind or an intense connection I feel with my physicial being. I always think - WOW - that's an amazing amount of FORCE - what diety can command such force?

It also made me particularly aware last night that I need to work on that overactive mind - that mind that is so busy worrying about the physical being. In all sorts of vain and not so vain ways.

thinks I don't like (and other thoughts)

2006-09-07T22:30:00.000-05:00

Taking a page from Jen Gray's amazing blog... here's my list of things I don't like:

I DON'T LIKE:
- Food poisoning
- Mosquito bites
- People who yell at their children in public
- Kids who are disrespectful and wail loudly when they don’t get their way
- Finger nails on a chalk boards
- Dentist drills
- Barking dogs
- Missing deadlines
- When I disapoint someone
- Car alarms (especially at 3AM)
- Knowing when you don’t know something - that you should (like do you know how many supreme court justices there are? there are 9! Can you name them (uh no)...)
- Finding out you were really wrong about someone you trusted
- Thinking of good “comebacks” to insulting comments three days AFTER the insult
- Witnessing suffering of humans/animals/bugs/plants (yes plants -like I hate to see someone cut down a tree)
- Realizing your own prejudices
- People who are loudly against abortion but don't care one whit about the life a person has after they are here
- Suicide bombers
- President’s and governments that are arrogant and lie

But in my blog I've decided that I could write all night about the things I don't like and that's too negative so in addition I have to a the list of things I do like:

THINGS I LIKE:
- Telling my husband that I love him
- Getting hugs from my neices and nephews
- Hot lattes with extra foam
- Talking with my good friends
- Yoga
- Taking a walk in the woods
- Caribbean beaches
- Oreo cookies
- Fresh fruit and veggies (like from the farmers market or picked off the tree by me)
- Warm blankets
- Hot showers
- Getting a massage
- Donating money to my favorite charities
- Helping a lost traveler find their way (nice people who have helped me find my way when I'm in a foreign country)
- Smiling babies
- That my parents are still alive
- That I my body is healthy
- Singing in my car
- When someone makes my life easier (like the nice man who let me go ahead of him in the grocery store cause I only had to buy milk)
- When I can help someone

This is so fun -

2006-09-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

Ok total time waster but I was in the mood and my sweetie friend Mom On A Mission pointed me to this and I had blast (probably because I'm so vain)...Apparently I share a certain ***JAW LINE*** and chin with these ladies for sure... I did it to hubbies face too. His look-a-likes included, Alec Baldwin, Pierce Brosnan, Uri Geller, Raoul Bova, Mathew Fox, and David Schwimmer. I can only imagine the algorithm that measures and then compares against their database of scanned celebrity images. Pretty cool!

Is this guy a descendant of Lee Harvey Oswald?

2006-08-18T22:30:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or does John Mark Karr look like a descendant of Lee Harvey Oswald? Even their names sound similar...and they were both involved in high profile killings, JBR vs JFK... too many conspiracy theories for me!

Meditation on what it's worth?

2006-08-13T00:29:00.000-05:00

I have become an obsessive blog reader...for good or for bad. One of my new favorites is Jen Gray. I love what she does and I'm jealous of all that talent! Her site led me to this site Visual Voice.net.

The post Monks Under the Microscope got me thinking. I just got back from a trip to Yosemite and had a few moments of meditation and reflection- and it HAS help me re-set my direction. There is no doubt of the mind body connection for me. I feel more relaxed and composed than I have in months. The greatness of the place - even in August when it is crawling with tourist and crowds - can not diminish the spiritual value of what was created by the hands of nature.

We left the house at 6AM to be on our way up to Yosemite and we heard the news that a major terrorist attack had been thwarted. And then I got to thinking about it...I asked myself what do the terrorist really *WIN* by blowing up innocent people? What do they really gain? What is their ultimate goal? To rule the world? Why? To get every human to follow an ideology, religion, philosophy?

Even if you beat everyone into submission (or at least the ones left alive)- they can still meditate, pray and think how they wish - you can never take away a humans spirit or the voice that speaks for them. So what's in it for the terrorists? I guess I'm too simple and I must be missing something.

A Surge in Violence

2006-08-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

It's hard to understand how everything can be so abundant and beautiful and yet on the other side of the earth they can be so *B*A*D* --

Everything is losing shape - it seems to me that some how our world is melting down. I'm waiting for a great big volcano to explode and remind us how much stronger nature is than anything a man can create. What? You didn't get it when the Tsumami hit?

I keep thinking about a 1950's movie where the aliens come down and say to the earth you have one week to figure "it" out and then we will be back - if you mess up we will blow up the earth.

All the nations come togeter work out their differences and the aliens come back . . . the aliens are pissed because they wanted an elite group of warriors to fight a war for them and they thought earthlings would work the best but because we all made peace they end up blowing up the earth anyway.

Hmmm...

A strong belief in suffering

2006-05-20T23:13:00.000-05:00

I have to have a strong belief that something good will come out of suffering.

In the big scope of all life's possibilities my "suffering" is a partial footnote (if that) - but on the micro-mini-scale of where I'm sitting right now in this moment, it all feels pretty bad and ugly. I keep reminding my self -just focus on those 20 minutes of right now, but even that is loosing it's reasonability.

I just keep hoping that the good and beautiful will show up soon (some things have happen in the last 24 hours that demonstrate they are always there).

I'm pretty sure that things could get worse yet -but also holding on to a secret faith that everything will get better soon too.

On Tuesday I will have to put may faith and life in the hands of people I have not even met yet. They will put me to sleep and work on my body parts and I will awake and things will be "better" - they won't be fixed - just "better" and moving towards healing.

I will have to come to terms with the last four months and all the things that have happen within them but right now I'm going to go to bed and let the tree frogs and crickets sing me a lulluby.

Secretly I know the more I try to control things - the less control I have of anything. I just got to let it go and listen to those crickets and tree frogs.

20 minute rules for living in the big picture

2006-05-07T15:05:00.000-05:00

Last night we watched the movie "Touching the Void" about two mountaineers who almost died while climbing a mountain in Peru.

One of the guys, Joe, breaks his leg on the decent. This is not simple fracture either - he pretty much takes the everything below his left knee cap and shoots it up through his thigh (ouch)...then his climbing partner is helping down the mountain by "sliding him" down the face of it on a rope. Well that was all good until he got to a "cliff" on the mountain that his partner can't see and he slides right off it.

Eventually his partner not getting any response from him because he is dangling off this cliff and unable to hold him, cuts the rope. At which point he falls into a huge Crevasse. Well then the rest of the story is how he survives this ordeal and lives to tell the story.

I think the thing I liked best about this movie was that it reminded me that whenever you are in place in life that isn't working out the way you want - set some short term goals and stop yourself from being overwhelmed by the BIGGER picture.

For certain Joe had his moments of total overwhelming sense of doom - and he has some breakdowns along the way. But then he'd just set a task for himself and he'd just force himself to work on that task. Once he escaped the crevasse (a miracle all on its own) he sets these 20 minute mini goals. For example, he says to himself in 20 minutes I will be to that rock. Then he'd get to the rock and say - in 20 minutes I'll be at that rock. If he made it in 18 minutes he'd celebrate if it took him 24 minutes he'd remind himself to try and do better in the next set.

Remember this guy is like basically lost the use of his left leg, his partner leaves him and thinks he is dead, and he is sitting in freezing mountain conditions with no food or water.

I would not recommend anyone test themselves under this type of condition but if you are feeling a bit blue about your life and overwhelmed by the whole big picture of life - maybe you need 20 minutes - work on those 20 minutes. That's where I am...20 minutes and I've just written this blog!

Free trips to heaven

2006-03-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

The rainy season is edging its way toward us. The air is starting to be less dry and more thick, heavy - warmer. Afternoon thunderstorms will come soon.

The birds are starting to show up now. I must have seen at least 3 fat bright red cardinals. Our "woodpecker" (I'm not sure he really is a woodpecker) is back eating his daily share of bugs off the palm trees outside our windows and playing tag with the squirrels who also like those same palm trees.

A large flock of black crows swarmed around the oak tree outside our building about a week ago. The sun was shining through their black wings as they passed over head so you could see the details of their feathers. It was beautiful. They seemed to be playing a game of some kind with each other and they let us know with loud caws that they like our lake.

Some mornings we get big flocks of "snake birds" or cormorants (I guess???) - they are beautiful black birds with a small ring of golden feathers around their very long necks. They dive into the water and catch fish. When they poke their skinny necks out of the water (to swallow fish I think) they look like snake heads skimming the surface of the water.

Large male and female egrets follow the snake bird flocks around; they set up shop at the shore edges. They wait to capture fish that swim out away from the flocks of snake birds which land in deeper areas of the lake.

We have had a few visits by eagles and hawks too. They sit in the large cypress trees and use them as outlooks and then try to catch fish in our lake. The eagles live a few streets over but they fly to our lake sometimes. They live in these scraggy awkward looking pine trees (well they are scraggy looking to a girl who grew up near the Sierra Mountains and once lived in house surrounded by red wood trees).

Our evening owls have been quiet lately - they seem to be more noisy and active in the cooler weather. I have seen several owls since we moved here and they always amaze me at how big they look - I've been told though they weigh very little.

Peacocks are part of the Winter Park city logo and that's because they have lived here forever. You can hear them at night - they like to compete with the train whistles. What a racket they make! Honestly though I love the exotic sound they make.

We have lots of ducks too - all different sizes, colors and kinds. We get turkey vultures sometimes- and when they are very high in the sky playing with the wind and soaring in circles hundreds of feet above the earth- they are amazingly beautiful to watch. It's only when you get up close do you realize what threatening characters they are - they are bird thugs!

I think I love the birds because they are a good distraction from my earth bound hardships of late. They remind me to stick to the rhythms of life first and the other things will have to work themselves out. Emily Dickinson is quoted as saying "I hope you love birds too. It is economical. It saves going to heaven."

Observations

2006-02-22T21:28:00.000-05:00

It's almost *s p r i n g* we are heading out of winter and today in my little world it was 80 + degrees with sunshine...ahhhh. So I haven't written any observations as of late... so here I go:

I was on the porch after lunch today and a gigantic-huge fluffy white cloud passed over the sun it was one of those tropical Florida clouds so the sun light passed outside, around and through open spaces in it. I could see shafts of light beaming down from the sun - like you see on devotional cards in church. Then these incredible fingers of sun light would hit the lake water and strike sparkles making huge light diamonds across the lake. It was very dream like - it was holy and pure. Then the cloud passed the sun.

Later in the day someone suggested that I apply for a job opening that they had seen and thought of me. That was nice -I think it would involve a little too much travel though. Still it was good to be asked.

After dinner tonight hubby and I were walking back to our car and I saw a bumper sticker:
"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with an order of fries and a large coke to go."

In other news - well the other news just isn't pleasant right now - the world is having a chaos party and frankly King Bush II tends to give me a headache so I'm trying to limit my exposure to the aweful sensation of "I can't believe our president/government/world leader is doing this" to -- um -- only once a day.

Lastly, I begin training for my Avon Breast Cancer walk this summer 7/8 & 7/9... in SF. Walk a mile in those shoes - it's a start.

Yahoo - he made the team!!

2006-02-17T22:23:00.000-05:00

Yippie skippie - "P" made the team!!
What a great way to end the week and begin a long three-days off!

I was thinking yesterday how much I struggle during this period of time. For me, the mid-winter blues- begin about three weeks after the New Year and end about a week before paying taxes. After you pay taxes, well, this is when we start speeding toward summer's PEAK (see previous blog July).

For some reason it is an ugly window of time for me, when all things are just well - HARD - it's that time period where I go -whoa I got some x-mas pounds I got to work off, ugh taxes need to be computed and paid, work takes on the pressure of time to update everything, budgets are being formulated at work, it's cold inside and out (even in FL!).

It's that space where I know real growth is possible but I like to fight it. I tell my self to try and love it but I hate it. My feet get cold- literally and figuratively - and I can't get them warmed up to do anything. . .

So when something wonderful happens -a dream comes true- in this ugly window of time where I wait, struggle and fight - well that's a miracle for me and tells me to find my way toward the path and think about Summer's P E A K because it will be here before I know it. And they will be playing baseball ALL SPRING and SUMMER!!! Amen!!!

Prayer for a future baseball player

2006-02-16T21:08:00.000-05:00

I looked for the patron saint of baseball but could not find one. I looked at the TaoDeChing by Lao Tze to see if there was some wise summary of my thoughts... but no nothing ringed "true" for this topic...so instead I just send out some good Karma wishes for a young man out there - working hard to make a baseball team. For his parents, brother and in particular his mother a quick end to the waiting to-find-out --- would also be nice.

And so it is - out here in the blog-o-sphere ... So it shall be... Good luck "P"- you go dude!!

Go Joey Cheek!!!

2006-02-14T10:11:00.000-05:00

We love you Joey!! You are the greatest gold medal winner ever. If you don't know Joey's story well that's just more proof that our media is more interested in telling us about the dumb antics of Brittany Spears and her baby than what matters in the world. Joey - you are my hope.

For those of you who may not have heard:

American speed skater Joey Cheek did something very unusual after winning the 500 meter race at the Winter Olympics. He announced he's contributing his $25,000 gold medal award from the U.S. Olympic Committee to refugees from Darfur. And he urged Olympic sponsors to support the same relief effort.

Congratulations Joey!! You go!!

Friday 10 - on Saturday

2006-02-04T16:16:00.000-05:00

My dear pal Mom on a Mission asked if I'd join her. She got this from The Woman Wonders- so here I am:

1. Eggs? Fried or Scrambled? Fried

2. Chocolate covered cherries? Yummy or Yuck? YUCK - leave them poor cherries alone!

3. When eating a salad, what type of dressing do you prefer to use? Ranch or Blue Cheese

4. Peanut Butter? Creamy or Crunchy? Crunchy - if you value peanut butter try Maranatha Nut Butters

5. If you HAD to eat only one flavor of ice cream for the rest of your life, what flavor would it be? Mint Chocolate Chip

6. Thick or thin crust pizza? This is tough one - I like both - depends on my mood and what's on top of that pizza... mostly a thick crust girl I'd say.

7. Salsa? Hot, Medium, or Mild? Hot Hot Hot - mmmmm

8. Toast? Lightly toasted or practically burnt? How about throughly toatsed but not burnt. Bread should be consistantly stiff - am I high maintenance or what?

9. What is your FAVE food item at Taco Bell? Bean & cheese buritto with extra hot sauce

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST

10. When are you MOST LIKELY to pig out during the course of a day? 3:00PM is the hour I should go to the gym

CUT AND PASTE TO DO YOUR OWN:

1. Eggs? Fried or Scrambled?
2. Chocolate covered cherries? Yummy or Yuck?
3. When eating a salad, what type of dressing do you prefer to use?
4. Peanut Butter? Creamy or Crunchy?
5. If you HAD to eat only one flavor of ice cream for the rest of your life, what flavor would it be?
6. Thick or thin crust pizza?
7. Salsa? Hot, Medium, or Mild?
8. Toast? Lightly toasted or practically burnt?
9. What is your FAVE food item at Taco Bell?
AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST
10. When are you MOST LIKELY to pig out during the course of a day?

Kong this white man...

2006-01-23T00:19:00.000-05:00

I went and saw King Kong tonight and yes that is a very long three hours.

I have met native island people and yeah I know y'all out there are rolling your eyes saying "IT'S A MOVIE" --- it also had DINOSAURS and GIGANTIC BUGS in it and everyone knows dinos and humans and gigatic bugs did not exist all at the SAME TIME... (AHHHHH- and those bugs NEVER existed on earth so there)....

Hey lady this is a sci-fi flick - get-over-it and realize it's for -

*e n t e r t a i n m e n t*

Ok then, I just have to say this because this little voice in my head says I need to say it. It bothers me deeply the way they portrayed black/native island people in this movie. The zombie and fire routine urks me- and frankly it is unnecessary to the story line.

Nobody seems to care what happens to the natives - no one wants to take them back to New York...just a part of the film that left me going - WHAT? Especially since the rest of "leading" cast is so damn frick'in WHITE. Yeah do have that ONE couragous black man who is the captains right hand man...not really working for me...why wasn't he the captain, yeah I know - the story is in the 1930's - not many black men running ships in AMERICA those days.

I just thought the island people were over the top. And maybe that's the point they were trying to make- make it so over the top - that they might has well have been meeting alien life forms instead- which I guess they were -um sort of?

I know all the rational - what is that, you say, oh yeah -it's a *MOVIE*. It's that whole art imitates life or life imitates art? I just think there is fine line we dance on here and it's always good to THINK ABOUT it. Three hours sure is a long time to think about it too...

I stole this from Muddyblog - Four THINGS

2006-01-19T22:14:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Muddy Blog here goes:

Four jobs you've had in your life:
Babysitter
Housekeeper
Baker
Secretary (aka Administrative Assistant which also could be the same as babysitter)

Four movies you could watch over and over:
Breakfast Club (80's girl)
Valley Girl (ditto)
A River Runs Through It
Nightmare Before Christmas

Four places you've lived:
Cupertino, CA
Taipei, Taiwan
Santa Cruz, CA
Winter Park, FL

Four TV shows you love to watch:
Don't watch TV (be addicted to the Internet instead!)
But since you asked - The Daily Show, Who's Line Is It Anyway, ER, FrontLine

Four places you've been on vacation:
Vanauatu
Mauritius
Kyoto
Saint Lucia

Four websites you visit daily:
Yahoo!
Keeping a Keene Watch
Micropreemie Twins: The Story of Holland & Eden
Comedy Central

Four of your favorite foods:
Mexican Food (all kinds)
Sweet rolls
(Love'em and they love me right back - to be exact they locate themselves on my back side that is!)
Salad
Anything mom makes for me... ;-) I just plain love to eat...

Year In Review

2006-01-03T01:33:00.000-05:00

Always enjoy the end of the year - "year in review" stories that are blasted all over the place. I enjoy reviewing the wacky year that was and it helps me remember that a whole new year is before me, with its moments of awe, sadness, joy and ever moving forward moments.

We spent our New Year's Eve with our neighbors. We got talking about age (at about 10:30pm after eating ourselves silly and drinking * W A Y * too much as proof of the pounding headache the next day). Turns out, I was the youngest in the room. I'm about 15 years younger than the eldest in the New Year's eve foursome.

We got to talking about the world and the advances and changes. The "eldest" had a stack of old LIFE magazines from the sixties about the space race that he brought over the next day - so I could see "how it was"... WOW ...I'm completely overwhelmed by how similar some of the articles on the "war" in Vietnam are to the war in Iraq.

The same things we were worried about in 1966 we are worrying about in 2006 - only LIFE in 1966 would still tell us to buy alcohol and cigarettes next to a report about our worries!

I do know that no matter what worries I have the world is going to keep moving - forward. Walking each day into something new - and in 2007 I'll be sitting here again reviewing those moments.

Where did 25 years go?

2005-12-08T07:58:00.000-05:00

Today is the anniversary of a very sad day - the day that John Lennon died. It was 1980, he was 40 years old. Too young to die. Today I remember him.

Thanksgiving and Gratefulness

2005-11-24T22:19:00.000-05:00

Today, because it is Thanksgiving I wanted to just say how grateful I am that the world I wake up in everyday is so good to me. I understand how lucky I am and I am so grateful!!!

So much of the world that people wake up in everyday is not so good. Almost everyday of my life I have been able to go into the day and know I will not worry about having clean water to drink, food to eat or having a safe place to sleep at the end of that day. The days that make up the "almost" in that everyday statement are days that I knew would pass fast or were in some way or another selected by me. That's truly a marvel to me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

An Alcoholic and a Drug Addict and a Criminal. Maybe he should throw in Liar too.

2005-11-13T21:27:00.000-05:00

I just read "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey, in two sittings, which means I could not put this book down until I finished it.
Mom on A Mission read it and well there it was at Costco with the big Oprah sticker on it - so I had to get it.

It was an absolutely gripping story and I recommend anyone to read it - but with some words of caution. Mr. Frey has the ability to put words on paper that so closely resemble a sub-conscious voice, it is possible to forget we are reading. Author and poet, Mary Karr who wrote Liar's Club and Cherry, also has this gift.

It wasn't until the very last 20 or so pages of Mr. Frey's book that I started to get an unsettled feeling. I felt like I was being Lied to (yes with a capital) and the last bit of his confession, about the priest in Paris, just doesn't come together for me and it cast a huge dark shadow of doubt over his whole story.

Do I think he is an Alcoholic, an Addict and a Criminal? Sure. Did he go through much of what he writes about? Probably.

Does it matter if every detail is pure and true? That's up to you. For me, it does very much, because he bases his recovery from being an Alcoholic, an Addict and a Criminal, on what is TRUE, not God [doesn't believe there is a God], not the 12 Steps [that's trading one addiction for another] and not on support from anyone [when confronted with an alcoholic beverage he will choose to say no, no AA mtgs, no family support - it's not their fault].

His recovery is based on just what is TRUE [and be a motherfu*king tough guy] and he doesn't necessarily say that it would work for anyone else but it is an alternative, hmmm.

Further if he is going to use Tao Te Ching as the basis for his understanding of what is TRUE, I think he should remember the first two opening lines of book 1- as should I:

The Way that can be experienced is not true;
The world that can be constructed is not real.

None the less it has been a very long time since I have contemplated the ideas in the Tao Te Ching and so just for that nudge back to examine what is TRUE in my own world was worth the two sittings to read this book. I'm sure James Frey gives a sh*t what I think.

Bed & Breakfast

2005-11-02T20:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday - hubby and I abandon our Winter Park hovel and fled for Daytona Beach and went to Daytona USA to check out Nascar history. Two years ago we went to the Great American Race - and we just didn't really "get it" - now we understand it "better" but I don't think we'll be buying an RV and making the circuit this February. Although I think the place is absolutely worth going to - we had a blast! We left there and then spent a night in Jacksonville.

During they day we went wireless at Panera Bread and did some work then took a walk and look around downtown Jacksonville - not much to see really. We were walking along the St. John river and I smelled roasting coffee. As the scent got stronger and stronger and we both thought - damn someone must be roasting a lot of coffee, then all of sudden we see the Maxwell House coffee building! It's their largest facility (number 2 is in Texas and number 3 is San Leandro, CA!)...

Now I'm at the delightful Bed & Breakfast, Elizabeth Point Lodge on Ameila Island. We are as far North as you can go before hitting Georgia.

I always forget that Georgia has a coast line...the weirdest thing about me living in Florida is that both sets of my grandparents spent time here in this state. My father's parents met here and my mother's parents lived here when I was a little kid.

Also it seems to me further North you go in this state more Southern it feels and the further South you go in this state the more Northern it feels. Well that is until you get to Miami where it feels like Latin America, and when in the the Keys you're not sure you are in the states at all!

More tomorrow...

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-30T18:10:00.000-05:00

My favorite holiday - carved my pumpkin and here he is...
C A R V E ~ M E ~ U P !!

P O S T ~ C A R V E D

L I G H T ~ M E!!

Hope you and your loved ones have a safe and Happy Halloween!

During & After Shots

2005-10-25T09:53:00.000-05:00

Here's WILMA:

Ok I admit this doesn't look very bad - and really compared to the southern half of the state it's nothing...

Here's what our area looked like after she left!

It's damn cold now but should warm up by the end of the week. Please God no Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, Zeta, Eta, Theta, Iota, Kappa, etc. PLEASE ... amen!

Honey, did you remember to tie down the trampoline?

2005-10-24T14:40:00.000-05:00

Hurricane Wilma making her presence known...

Sheets -O- Rain

2005-10-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah - that rain is coming down real good now. And it's a cold rain [?]!!! For a NorCal girl - it took me a long time to get used to seeing clouds and not run to go put on a sweater! Rain here is usually shorts and t-shirt type weather. So to step out on the balcony this morning and feel cold rain was a treat (in a weird way)...

The wind is pretty sporadic and gusty. We watched a movie last night and then turned on the news just to catch up and make sure we weren't missing any important info (big mistake)...Bill and I have limited TV - to watch it is an effort - everything is tied up to our computer and then we watch it on a computer screen. My total TV watching hours for 2005 have been maybe 2 hours (mostly at other venues than my home).

So, we went to bed last at about 2AM. The news reports made it sound like Armageddon was on it's way and if you hadn't figured out your escape route it was way too late and you'd had better "hunker down"... Needless to say the most fearful part of this storm for me has been watching the damn news reports.

Truth be told - Tornados have been the biggest threat to those of us in central FL. We had some pretty awesome lightening here in Winter Park and Lake Virginia - the lake we live next to- is "flooding" a bit. We count ourselves very luck - we've only lost power for a few minutes and then it was back. The Tornado warnings made for very fitful sleep for me... I woke up a lot between 2 - 6, from 6 - 9 I slept solid and then Bill got my ass out of bed. Making my coffee quick as I was sure we'd lose power...

The southern part of the state has not been as lucky as us and they've been punished by WILMA - a cat 3 when she landed at 6:30 am. Even though the FL state Governor (aka Jeb) is not my favorite... he's been doing a great job if you ask me. He is very calm and can actually speak very eloquently, a gene obviously lost on his brother. I can sit through him giving information with out wanting to throw something at the TV.

Anyway we are "hunkering" down and watching and doing as much work as possible just in case we lose our power and Internet connection...which means I'd better get back to it... more later...

Who flies planes in hurricanes?

2005-10-23T19:29:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow things will be C L O S E D ...

That's what the local government/news web sites are saying-at least here in the town of Winter Park the city hall and schools are shut until Wilma takes a swim into the Atlantic. This just in - even the MOUSE is taking no chancesDisney World is closing tomorrow! Suddenly my Sunday calm has raised one terror alert color (maybe going from green to yellow)...

We are in the flight path for the big jets that land at MCO (for my CA pals who check my blog that's Orlando International Airport). Right now 8:40pm EST, the rain has started and we have some pretty awesome lightening going. Not too much wind. But the JETS ARE STILL LANDING (holy crap) I'm soooo glad I'm not on one of those planes. I pray for all those pilots, crew and passengers that they land safely. I'm a little shocked that the airport is still taken flights.

The patio furniture and plants have come inside to live in our tiny one-bedroom apt until Wilma crosses over.

I've been out checking other Florida bloggers - you should too:
Boudicca's Voice
LFlorida Cracker
Something...and Half of Something

More later...

Wilma is taken her damn time

2005-10-23T14:08:00.000-05:00

Here I sit on Sunday afternoon and with each passing hour I'm less and less worried about the monster storm Wilma - now down to a Cat 2. Still a wide storm and one that will bring us stormy windy conditions.

During our standard three hour Sunday paper reading session at Panera Bread... we watched people come and go like any other Sunday. Everyone has figured out that the storm is not coming that close to Central Florida so might as well gone on with our lives.

Sure the scene outside is not the greatest - grey, grey and more grey - thunderstorms last night but no rain this morning. At 3:15 pm it's a little breezy outside and we expect to not see much more until late tonight - early Monday.

I still have my sterno for the next storm! November 30 is the last day of "human" declared hurricane season. After the next storm that's a brewing, Alpha -which doesn't look like it's going to hit the US, I hope I don't need to bone up on my Greek letters anytime soon and we will all have a lot to be Thankful for come turkey day.

Uh hope we don't have to use this stuff

2005-10-20T22:00:00.000-05:00

Well I scared myself silly by visiting CNN and FoxNews web sites last night with Wilma stories. Much like the rest of the country I still feeling the sting of what happen with Hurricane Katrina - and as I said in the last blog - it was only a year ago that three hurricanes made their way across my fair city.

Bright and early this morning I boogied on down the local Publix store and got myself some storm essentials. To my amazement the store had set up a display area with "hurricane goods". At first I thought - well that's capitalism at it's finest. Then again - this means that they know what we need so they aren't messing around - get this stuff your gonna a need it.

As I pondered which flash light to pick - the super cheapy cause you just don't want to be with out - or the pricey runs on several different combos of batteries, SEVERAL people were coming up to the display and grabbing sterno, Charcoal, bottled waters, etc. A women looked over at me and said "sure hope we don't need to use any of this stuff" - yah - that's for sure! My neighbors assured me that the building we are in is a fortress. One remarked -by the time the storms reach us it's really not too bad - it's more just a pain in the butt because you have no electricity, there is nothing open and the streets are a mess with debris.

After arriving home with a flashlight somewhere in between the cheapy and the expensive - charcoal, sterno, and a six pack of beer, my husband rolled his eyes and said you need to go to Disney World!! That will calm you down. So off we went and ya it did. The best news I heard to day is that the projection are still saying Wilma is going south - I just hope this cold front above us can push her out and keep her in the ocean. Now we play the wait and see game!

Wilma's on her way

2005-10-19T15:42:00.000-05:00

Wilma's on her way to Florida - they say by this weekend.

Being California born and raised Hurricane stuff is new to me. I had hoped my perfect plan of escaping Florida from July to October would prevent me from having experience one of these mega storms. So much for that plan. She's on her way - a cat 5 no less - in the ocean cooking herself up. The forecasters say her track is farther south than where we are - in Central Florida. Right now we're under a "watch" . . . The Key's however have been evacuated.

We are inland and north of Miami by 235 miles and that's good but no guarantee. Last year Orlando was hit 3 times, Charely, Frances and then Jeanne. The fourth storm to hit Florida last year was Ivan but it did not come into Orlando. When we came back at the end of September last year it was pretty bad - alot of signs down or blown out. Tons of trees G O N E - We were just saying last week how much things have started to grow back and be put back together. It will be a mega bummer if Wilma pays us (or anyone for that matter) a visit.

For now we've stocked up on our non-perishable items and water. Need to go get some instant coffee (Wilma will be nothing compared to me not getting my cafine fix) and charcoal or sterno. Maybe some more wine too!

And my most admired blogger is...

2005-10-17T20:07:00.000-05:00

I just want to give some major props to my gal pal Kris - AKA Mom on a Mission.

She was a guest blogger yesterday on KRON's The Bay Area is Talking. What excellent posts she gave- way to go Kris!!! I'm constantly amazed at what the hell is out there in the blogospher. It's truly amazing the power of our electronic notes can have on our world!

2005-10-06T22:39:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a time in your life where you get overwhelmed by guilt? We have some friends that live in our building. We were gone all summer and when we got back - well life happens - and we've been very busy. They are older (like in their 70's & 80's) and we know that we should've gone and seen them already but well life happens. They don't have much going on and we do. So they are *M*A*D* at us! What do you do? I turned to the master LaoTze for some advice and here's what I found: As borrowed from this site (http://www.chinapage.com/gnl.html).

All the world says,
"I am important;
I am separate from all the world.
I am important because I am separate,
Were I the same, I could never be important."

Yet here are three treasures
That I cherish and commend to you:
The first is compassion,
By which one finds courage.
The second is restraint,
By which one finds strength.
And the third is unimportance,
By which one finds influence.

Those who are fearless, but without compassion,
Powerful, but without restraint,
Or influential, yet important,
Cannot endure.

So I need to remember I'm not as important as I think I am, I need to show these people some compassion and this will give me the courage to face them. I need to restrain from letting this bother me - so I have the strength to do all the things I need to do. Then we can all endure whatever may come.

Boom

2005-10-02T17:13:00.000-05:00

From the associated press:
The near-simultaneous bombings on the resort island of Bali killed 26 people.

The alleged masterminds of the Bali attacks were believed to be Azahari bin Husin and Noordin Mohamed Top. The masterminds were not among the suspected bombers. There were no claims of responsibility for Saturday night's coordinated attacks.

Video footage shot by a vacationer showed locals & tourists eating dinner, sipping drinks and chatting at candlelit tables before the blast.

Suspicion for the blasts fell on the Southeast Asian terrorist group Jemaah Islamiyah, which wants to establish an Islamic state across Southeast Asia and has been linked to Osama bin Laden's terrorist network.

Would someone please explain to me how killing people is going to get the world to want to agree to your reason for executing this act? In this case, it's to have an Islamic state...last I checked killing people you want to be part of your group is not a good way to get them (hello -they are now dead!) their friends and relatives to join.

Do you know who your suicide bombers really killed? They killed more local residents than foreigner tourists - who by the way you value more, obviously, why else would target them? Your own people don't seem to matter much since you use them to carry out the bombings.

Over time your plot will kill even more of the very people you want so bad to be in your established state. Foregin tourists don't like to be blown up and your local hotel, restauarant and t-shirt stand owners lose their customers. Without income they are driven to starvation.

And your doing this because an Islamic state would be better for the "people" ---

Uh huh...

Wealth and Poverty - not as simple as black or white

2005-09-16T23:48:00.000-05:00

Hurricane Katrina has split open the land and the people. I think the thing that leaves me the most empty is that many black people believe that white people in this country don't give a shit if they live or die.

While my country is so overwhelming consumed by a women's right to choose - or a fetus right to life - we take no such concern to actual life of those who are already on the planet.

While my country is uber obsessed with who didn't do their job - no one seems interested in the cities around the country that have the same issues as New Orleans.

While my country is killing people in countries half way across the globe - no one is coming to bat for the people in Gitmo.

Blogging for Disaster Relief - The Gulf Coast

2005-09-02T10:36:00.000-05:00

Visit the International blogging for disaster relief day blog for info.

I am deeply disappointed in my country. I'm having a very hard time coping with the fact that the United States - with the richest resources in the world - can not take care of their very own people. It will be a long while before I (and probably most Americans) sort it all out.

In the meantime - it's time to show the world what Americans do when things really suck...we pull together and start making something happen:

Katrina Help Wiki

Salvation Army

Heifer International

Oxfam suggested by my dear friend Mom on a Mission

For long term support please check under my "If you can give a little"

God help those who are victims and help those who are helping.

Things that make me cry

2005-08-23T00:13:00.000-05:00

Well leave it to Mom On A Mission to get me on here typing up crap about what makes me cry...PMS does seem to rule the faucets in my eyes and there is nothing like a good sob to clean out the head. I figure it's some toxic level of hormones that drives those moments when you just break down over the little stuff. My hubby has witnessed it first hand - something simple will just set me a balling - some minor ugly like the dish washer is broken and the next thing you know I'm all wha wha wha.

Do any of you remember when Meg Ryan's character in Harry Met Sally is balling her eyes out because her x-boyfriend is getting married? Harry asks why is this so bad? And she is hysterically sobbing about having kids - someday? Those kind of crying sessions are just so good -well once there over [!]...

I'm not much of a public crier - like at weddings - it comes from a very stiff up bringing of Protestant origins. No public crying even if your sister has just torn off your head. You must "appear" to perfect and happy at all times- in public. If you want to cry make sure no one is aware of it and do it alone. This in general is not a healthy way to grow up and I think it leads to much more crying ummm - later in life. But I don't shed too many tears of it now - I got that all out in my twenties.

Some songs can crack me for a quick set of tears - Level 42's Through the Years and Live to Tell by Madonna. And of course the song my hubby and I danced to when we got married - Sean Colvin There Will Always Be something to believe In. Some movies get me going too, like Steal Magnolias and A River Runs Through It. Stories in the paper or books that include being cruel to an animal-well it's a wonder I'm not a vegan.

The slaughter of people in Iraq, Afghanistan just make me angry sometimes with tears. The world can get me crying pretty quick if I let it.

Some cries come deep and heavy though- they creep up on you - you can start to feel their presence like a thunderstorm - you know it's going to rain - it's a matter of when. Then boom lightening strikes. Cracking open your solar plexus, you can feel the spirit of that emotion split you in half and forces your diaphram to push all the stale air right out of the bottom of your lungs. These cries are driven from a place of real sorrow - deep loss or a hurt so bad that when you realize the emotional connection with someone or something so dear to you is gone the only way to honor it is to cry with your whole body. Those are the ones that even later in life - you think back to that cry and it still hurts.

Dark Elegy, by Suse Lowenstein who lost her son in the ill fated Pan Am flight 103 that was bombed over Lockerbee, Scotland in 1988 captures that kind of deep cry best.

Well blah blah blah - there are other cries too but it's time for bed. Just thought I share since Kris got me started -- and BTW Krissie - well she's seen me cry!

The Charm of Summer

2005-07-28T00:29:00.000-05:00

The moment has happen - it came to me in my car - it almost always does - summers' peak! It's happen already (it's only July 28 - what about August?), it crashed right on top of me.

For those of you who don't know after the taxes are mailed on April 15 there is a run towards what I refer to as summers' peak. Everything leans toward that moment of summers' peak. Peak of the corn, the peaches, the plumbs - the heat the sun - the stars, big warm nights under a full moon- sun kissed golden skin, grapes on the vine, the gathering of family and friends, dogs laying in the shade, children running through the sprinklers - it's that moment when the snows have finally relented to the sun touch - and they won't be coming back for several months. It's that change in the tilt of the earth on 6/21 that doesn't make it's self known until the P E A K - it's different for everyone - most people don't even notice. They let summer run by them- like any other season. But my life is waiting for the peak - much like the people who live for Christmas day. I embrace the peak, reflect in it and then let it go so when I have those late January or February blues I can remind myself all is not lost in the dark - the run for summers' peak is always around the corner and the moment is always positively bliss.

Ewe like where you been girl?

2005-07-13T00:22:00.000-05:00

It's another whirl wind summer - dashing all about - we went to the Caribbean at the end of May - then it was lock down the hatches and fly to CA on the longest day of the year. The house was still standing but the birds, critters and dust had their way with the walls of our beloved Delta house. The fourth of July came and went and I turned into a "38 special". I have my 20th high school reunion this year (wow that went damn fast).

Got a chance to visit with everyone - all the kids got bigger of course. Two new additions to the Keene family that made their arrival earlier this year are making great strides. Their parents are an inspiration to me.

The heat has come into the summer - my heart is open to the possibilities of this time. I just have to remember how to balance it all in never ending stream of demands. Like now - time for bed!

Meme's time for me over here now...

2005-05-27T00:27:00.000-05:00

Ok, Kris, now you've squeezed one out of me!

Grab the closest book to you. Resist the urge to get hold of one of the cooler, intellectual ones! You've gotta be honest. Turn to page 123. Go down five sentences, and then post the next three sentences in your blog. Simple.

"Do they have Krystals where you live? They are similar to White Castles, and they are one of our very favorite foods. The two best times to eat Krystals are at four o'clock in the morning-but only if you 've been out all night partying, which we are too old to do now."

Save the Bees - please!!

2005-05-22T10:32:00.000-05:00

I just read in our Sunday paper this morning that the American Honey bee is under attack by a kind of mite that likes to hitch rides and eat them. It's this micro tiny mite that might have us all thinking twice about how we rank here on the planet.

Our fruits and veggies can not be created without the honey bee. Honey bees pollinate the flowers that turn into the fruit, nuts and veggies. Basically the bee is the sex machine of the flower world - there are other insects that transfer the pollen too - but none like the honey bee.

The saddest part of this is that wild bees are gone - we only have the bees we raised in captivity- so our back up team has left the planet.

When looking at the problem and if you think about it carefully - how are we going to get kill off the parasite mite without also killing the bee? Most pesticides and the like will kill the bee too. It's a very hard problem to solve.

For me I can't escape the idea that nature is showing us taht we so out of balance with the world around us that it's only a matter of time until it really impacts us directly -and I don't mean just at the grocery store check out line - I mean NO food for anyone regardless of how much cha-ching sitting in the bank!

Greenbacks can not pollinate our food sources. Enough gloom and doom I guess I'll just have to get my SAVE THE BEES bumber sticker.

Prayer to Saint Bernadine of Siena

2005-05-14T19:35:00.000-05:00

A special prayer to God and Saint Bernadine of Siena tonight for our little Trent who is struggling in the NICU to breath. Please Saint Bernadine of Siena as the patron saint of lung and respiratory health we ask that you give him your special blessings. He needs to know your healing energy so that he does not have to breath on the ventilator any more. Be with him and guide him - let him feel no pain or fear as he moves to the CPAP. Please help the doctors and the nurses choose the best therapies to help him out of this tough transition he is having right now. Please let him get well soon so that his parents can hold him and let him know how much he is loved and what a special and wonderful family he has waiting for him to make his way to us.

Lord we thank you and all the saints for their healing and for watching out for us. Help us to have faith in your plan and understand that sometimes we don't understand - all things will come to us in time and we must be patient and never give up our hope. Amen.

Thank You Prayer to Saint Charles Borromeo

2005-05-12T09:04:00.000-05:00

Thank you Saint Charles Borromeo - as of this morning our little man is doing better and you have really provided! We continue to ask for your divine intervention in the case of our dear friend's baby boy as he is still not 100%. He is better but still needs your care and blessings. It is truly a miracle that he has made it this far and so we must believe that God has special plans for him. Please keep a watchful healing shield over him and help him get better soon. Thank you Saint Charles Borromeo.

For my same friends I ask for intervention by Saint Lazarus to watch over their baby girl who also needs special care. Please God and Saint Lazarus provide a healing touch to her head where she is suffering. You have provided so much along this long journey she has just begun. Please stay with her and her nurses and doctors and help her grow and heal so that she may live a long and healthy life.

Please God give my friends your loving guiding wisdom and help us all understand and have faith in your plan. Please especially help us as we walk along this path that we might not get discouraged but have faith. Amen

Prayer to Saint Charles Borromeo

2005-05-10T16:36:00.000-05:00

As patron saint of intestinal disorders please watch over my friends baby boy. Give him strength to fight his ailment - give his doctors and nurses the power to help him heal. Bless his parents and help them cope. Please especially relieve this baby boy of any pain. - Amen

Would someone please define weapons of mass destruction for me?

2005-05-04T11:20:00.000-05:00

This image just made me so sad I had to blog about it.

Picture released by the U.S. Army Tuesday, May 3, 2005 shows a U.S. Army soldier comforting a child *fatally* wounded in a car bomb blast in Mosul, 360 km (225 miles) northwest of Baghdad, Iraq, Monday, May 2, 2005. 15 Iraqis were wounded in the combined suicide bomb attack. (AP Photo/U.S. Army)

What is a weapon of mass destruction? Isn't that why we are in Iraq? To rid the world from weapons of mass destruction? Isn't that what our president and congress told us we needed to do?

I don't know about you but that scene looks pretty massively destructive to me. The wrath of it does not just end in this photo- the soldiers' life is massively effected and everyone who is part of his life will suffer from this - the child's family and everyone who would have ever known him have now been massively effected.

The car bombers had a massive impact too on the lives of the Iraq citizens. How do you go out and live life when you know this might be waiting for you?

And the child. My heart is breaking for this child. How can we let a child be killed like this?

President George W Bush, would you please justify this child's death for us? Why has he been sacrificed? Oh yes, your weapons of mass destruction - have to rid the world of those, right?

Mr. Car Bomb Terrorist radical insurgent dark shadows people, would you please explain how killing a child is serving God? Would you please explain to me how this action will help get US soldiers OUT of Iraq so you can take it over? I think you are making a massive mistake if you think this is progressing your cause.

Guess what everybody? I think they just found the weapons of mass destruction and they will be much more destructive than anyone ever anticipated.

If your not going to use your vacation may I have it?

2005-04-27T21:48:00.000-05:00

So I read an article in the newspaper today that said two-thirds of the American work force feel overwhelmed by their jobs. Too many things to do and not enough "time" to do it all. Can't say NO to the *boss* cause you might be the next one laid off. I have been feeling the up-tick in stress levels in my own little work world and I work from home!

The article said that people have stopped taking any vacations because they don't feel they can leave their work. Side Note: You all that aren't taken vaca - please ask yourself - when you're 100 years old looking over the life you just had - do you think you would rather remember working late this past Tuesday night or the time you saw the Grand Canyon? Shopped in an open air market? Went camping? Took your kids swimming in the ocean?

The more I thought about it the more some things about what is going on the in the world became clear to me. Why do Americans have the blinders on about the "rest of the world"? It may be because they fail to go get out in "IT". Just a thought.

Bone Up on Your Theme Park Vocabulary

2005-04-16T23:49:00.000-05:00

My husband and I visit the theme parks here in the Orlando area often (season pass holders and all that) but we are sans children (aka - child free!). I am often appalled at some of the behaviors I have seen exhibited by these seemingly sweet children being treated to a day at a theme park.

Not being a mommy myself I enter this disclaimer: I am not criticizing anyone else’s parenting style! Raising a child is a 24 X 7 X 365 thing so if junior is acting up at the theme park cause he’s so amp’d up on sugar and the promise of having the shit scared out of him on some ride – I’ll cut you some slack.

Sometimes I’ve observed though that it's the parents that are the ones displaying the worst behaviors...I have seen parents blow steam out of their ears because little Johnny refuses to eat his $40.00 theme park pasta meal because he doesn't like it with *that* sauce on it.

I have heard more than once the empty threat of going back to the hotel "right now" which both parent and child know will NEVER happen. The worst I’ve ever heard uttered to a child was that they had ruined the vacation by being scared to go on a ride. I have heard a mother turn to a child and tell them not to ask for anything else today as they have already spent enough money on them. These parents get my loser parent award.

I have witnessed the frantic with fear parents when a little one has decided to explore on their own and tearful reunions at the lost (parents) and found (children) department. Hubby and I have our own little vocabulary for what we see out there in the never grow up world of theme parks- I thought I'd it might be fun to share with you all:

1) Child on Fire
This is a child who has become completely unglued and is having a full blown hissy fit. This develops from (a) lack of sleep, (b) lack of food or (c) both. The child must be crying (or faking it), howling or screaming in a somewhat constant rhythm and disturbing anything with eardrums. Example: A child on the floor in the Pirates of the Caribbean Gift shop shouting "I hate you" because mommy has said no to purchasing the plastic $25.00 glow in the dark pirate sword. The mommy repeats to the child in very low angry tones that the toy is too violent and we don't buy these kinds of toys! Said child starts kicking mommy as she tries to pick him up off the floor (which looks pretty violent to me!). I would classify this child as a “child on fire”.

2) Child-escape-us (say it fast childescapeus)
This is a child who is running in an apparent attempt to abandon the people in his "theme park tribe" (see below). Example: A half-buck naked two year old boy running out of the women's bathroom is a child-escape-us.

3) Theme Park Tribe
A theme park tribe is a family who has dressed all members in identical patterned outfits or tees. This is done to identify one and another in the sea of other families who have dressed themselves in identical outfits.

4) Princess Halloween
Princess Halloween kids are almost exclusively made up of little girls. These girls regardless of the time of year wear their Disney themed princess outfits while visiting the parks. An overly proud grandparent or parent purchases the costume and loves to show off how much little Emily looks just like Cinderella – only Cinderella doesn’t usually stick her tongue out at other children. It’s good to know that these kids will become the future minimum wage park workers!

5) Mappy Dad
This is a daddy that pushes a stroller (into innocent bystanders) and reads the theme park map at the SAME time.

6) Dead Indian
This is a child who has finally fallen asleep in a stroller with some food item drooling out of their mouth.

7) Scalped Dead Indian
Any child who has finally fallen asleep in a stroller but their head looks so awkward that you wonder when they wake up if their head is going to stay attached to their body.

8) Meefirsts
These are pushy kids who step on everyone to get AHEAD in line and then must be told by a parent to “come back”.

9) Exit'emnows
When exiting a ride or show kids who race AHEAD of their theme park tribe (by pushing others out of their way) are called “exit’emnows”. If said child does not stop within the boarders of the ride/show gift shop (which is always located at the exit of a ride or show in a theme park) said child may then be reclassified as a "childescapeus".

10) Splatters
These are children, whose parents believe that it's cute, to swing, pull, climb or play in some fashion with a divider mechanisms that have been set up to form the ride lines. Sometimes the parents are too tired to tell little Suzie or Johnny to stop it for the ten-thousandth time or they have decided it might be better to let them climb on that then whine to be picked up (w/arms held upward - and a loud uppy! uppy! uppy NOW!!). Of course play on these line dividers only lasts until the kid falls off, or underestimates the strength of the rope, and hits the ground - hence the word "splatters".

11) Motorized jelly donut
Overweight people who rent the motorized scooters because they are so fat they can't walk ten feet. Example, that 300 lbs motorized jelly donut just ran over my foot!

12) GLJ - Grandma Line Jumper
These are grandmas sent to stand in the longest ride lines while the family does something else (eating snacks, bathroom break- ride another ride with a shorter line). Then just as grandma is getting close to the front the family "catches up" to her by pushing past everyone. Although I understand why they do it, I think it stinks.

Blog Game is HERE!

2005-04-13T00:32:00.000-05:00

Blog game
Saw Mom on a Misson do it (an wow the one she picked for me was such a compliment!) she got it from Snidget...so I decided to take her advice and do it too! Pass it on if you like:

Here are the rules:
1. Choose a search engine, click on "Images"

2. Choose a blogfriend

3. Think of ONE or TWO words that you think best describes aforementioned blogfriend.

4. Do an IMAGE SEARCH on that word.

5. Pick an image~~the one that makes you say "AHA! That's IT!" (some aren't quite "That's It" but are a little silly)

Mom on a Misson - she so cool she gets more than one, first - caring & loving and second

Hip Mama!

Keeping A Keene Watch

Katie - Smart Singing Mama

Reflections of Being Here Now

2005-04-09T01:25:00.000-05:00

The little town of Winter Park, Florida where I live, will be having a Founders Day tomorrow. They were setting up the downtown park area this afternoon with a walking tour and each station on the tour represented a decade. There was a big display with the year on it and a large photo of the area --the walking tour starts in the early 1800's.

To my horror - my high school years are now "the 1980's" and there is a distinct "look" to the time period- just like the 50's, 60's or 70's. This is when it dawned on me that the lines on my face really shouldn't be a surprise - my youth is now two "decades" ago!

When I started to feel sorry for my oldass I then walked around and looked at the photo from the 1830's - looking at the people in the picture - so youthful - standing in front of their homes - the trees - having been around much longer then those little people standing in front of them. I looked at their faces and thought - they never knew when the picture was taken that in the year 2005 - people would look upon them! In other news today...

They buried the pope (how could you escape it - it's a 24 x 7 event) - I actually remember when he became pope because the news broke in to my regular TV watching and said "white smoke" from the Vatican.

I remember too - when he was shot and when he forgave his would be assassin - that stuck with me and still does - it takes great heart to really forgive and understand someone who tried to kill you.

And, I remember when Sinead O'Conner took his photo and tore it up on SNL. I thought mostly and still do that Ms. O'Conner may have had a point but whatever it was it got lost in the way she was trying to make it.

No one human is perfect - including the pope. While I admire much of what the pope did while on earth and his ability to have total and complete faith in God (a task I am still trying to master) - I am opposed to much of how the media has gone on a feeding frenzy over his death and why it is so many world leaders - who do not follow the Catholic faith or or spiritual leaders- feel they must attend his funeral. It seems more like they are looking for a photo opportunity to me.

If the Dalai Lama died tomorrow would any of these dignitaries go to his funeral? BTW the Lama is in Japan this week - not Rome. He's not talking about who the pope WAS as a person (if you were to ask me). The Dalai Lama called on the world to fulfill the wishes of the Pope. "We want to make every effort to ensure that his wishes come true. First peace, second equality, third spirituality and fourth unity among religious groups". I liked that - he didn't just say what great things the pope did -but let us live on and manifest those things we loved about the pope in ourselves and for the world. Be here "now".

While the media has a love affair with the memory of the Pope - some of us have not forgotten that the Catholic Church preaches to women that birth control is wrong, being obedient to your husband is manditory and abortion under any and all circumstances a major sin.

As much as I know we're to turn a blind eye while the man is being remembered - it's hard to forget, 4000 Catholic priests were accused of sexual abuse. I do not believe this is a result of anything the Pope did directly. I do think he could have done something more about it when it came to light. There is also the issues the Catholic church has about gays - which feels in direct conflict with big J's teachings (if you ask me again).

Did the pope end communism or did President Reagan? Former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani described President Reagan when he died as "He defeated communism." - seems to me the media has a short term memory problem here - I mean who was it - the Pope or Reagan? Ok maybe it was more than just ONE person then? Let's just give everybody credit and forget about it - let's work on those wishes the pope had- eh?!

One final last thought for tonight - while I ponder in my little world of getting older and living in the moment known as "now" - there are two little new borns working a lot on "now" they are growing in the NICU, they are learing about breathing and eating. There are also two worn out parents who - I love dearly - living each moment with excruciating awareness of now- joyous and sad and sometimes both. So please if you are reading this say a prayer for them and send them your positve energy- and thanks!

Did Someone Forget to Tell You? You gota give it all back when you leave planet earth...

2005-04-05T01:06:00.000-05:00

I was in the car today listening to the radio - my husband and I had just picked up our taxes from the "tax lady"... it's that annual April chore. I'm always amazed at the mathematics of it all (not being all that good at math helps with the awe part for me anyway- thank God my other half lives for numbers - yep I married a carbon of my own daddy - they even share the same damn name but that's another story)...

Anyway NPR's All Things Considered was on the radio and they kicked off a new series call "This I Believe" - they present the personal philosophies of thoughtful men and women in all walks of life. Today's story was written and read by Isabel Allende, author of "The House of the Spirits" (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4568464)- she spoke about her daughter who became ill, went into a coma and then died.

Then she spoke about giving - and what it really means. To really lose everything is an opportunity to give it - not feel like it was taken away - but she said much better than I am here.

Anyway - sometimes I wonder if my guardian angel is making sure I'm getting my essential dosages of reality checks.

If you've stumbled here and have nothing much better to do than read my bizzaro here - please do me a favor tonight and give a little extra prayer for some friends of mine. Just ask God to help their babies grow and help them be strong too. Thanks!

Last Rights of the Great Tuna after Easter

2005-03-29T01:15:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I spent Easter Sunday in Clear Water, Florida this year (West coast white sand- warm waters). There was something about that name - Clear Water Beach. I was looking forward to going there as it might help me "clear" out some of that negative thinking I like to harbor during the longest days of winter. Beaches have a way of washing things out of you.

Sunday it was cloudy but warm and windy. Lots of tourists and spring breakers.

This morning the wind was forceful and there were HUGE waves - especially for the gulf side which is more often very calm. We saw several fish washed up on the beach - puffer fish, jellies, and even a very large tuna - mouth open as if to say ahh. Mr. Tuna! - I said then I asked him out loud - OH MY, MR. TUNA - HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!! May your soul rest in peace dear Mr. Tuna and may you find the next life to be even better than this one.

The waves had brought up a lot of new shells too but there was something unsettling about the howl of the wind the roiling of the waves that made me think it was Gods way of reminding me that the clearing of my mind needs to be more than just a day at the beach...

I miss my gal pals right now - our LONG MARCH into spring this year seems especially arduous. Some winters it seems the chill hangs around us and doesn't want to let go. Signs of spring keep weaving their way into each day though -(i.e. the wild peacocks are back in Winter Park and this evening they are cooing up a storm - talk about sex in the city!).

I have mostly invested my hopes in summer though - I keep having a dream that it will be perfectly wrapped in sunlight and golden hues- we will especially appreciate it after this hard winter of battles and a cold wet spring - yes - I have put my hope that summer holds our light.

Here's a link to my super pal Krobbins' blog (she's like the best ever!) http://krobinson.blogs.com/weblog/

That's enough for tonight!

Tired of the whine

2005-03-24T19:37:00.000-05:00

You know how sometimes it's the little things? Like right now I have to listen to the constant drone of the neighbors who are working on building their mega home and there is a constant WHINE noise being made by some impossibly LOUD sawing machine thing. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenieeeeeeeee- RRRRRRRRRR- WHEEEEEEEEEEEE NIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE - RRRRRRRRRR -then a low level zoooooooooommmmmmrrrrr sound obviously something winding down to a slower spin. This noise is repeated - over and over and over AGAIN AND AGAIN...

After a while it causes ones' head to do the same -- maybe I just need to get out of my house and away from that noise.

Whining some more... I have nothing to whine about really. I had a breakdown on my best friend today on the phone. I finally unloaded some stuff that's been eating away at my soul and now that I set it free out there I am relieved to know that I was not alone in my ugly thoughts and somehow that makes me realize that they are probably normal reactions to the circumstances.

The last whine for today - what purpose does suffering have? Does a women (Terri Schivo) who is technically brain dead... Feeling anything at all (physical or mental or both)? How do we really know for sure - she can't tell us. What a horror if she does feel pain or is aware of what is going on around her (This would be my definition of a living hell!).

How cruel that is that we do not allow her to let go from the earth if she is just suffering there and not able to TELL US - why does it work this way? When the body is frozen is the spirit and soul stuck here too? When does the spirit and soul come into "human being"? When does it leave?

How come I can't find a guide book or map for the trip after we get done on planet earth? (Well I have seen Dante's version but it's way too long & heavy - we need one like those DK books with the top 10 things to do in Paris) If you have the reservations number for the afterlife --let me know.

A rough day at the ranch...

2005-03-23T21:17:00.000-05:00

Well here I am ready to barf all sorts of goodies right on to this page and I'm having trouble getting started. Why don't I try with writing down today's observations:

1) survived a Tornado warning (again!) - this is a tough thing for a gal who grew up in fair weathered always safe except for the Earthquakes Californian. We had an incredible lightening storm at about 4am this morning... Over slept from staying up too late and then waking up to watch the storm...

2) Went for a bike ride & was thinking about God and what grand plan he has for us. It dawned on me as I watched the birds scuttle back and forth and how the light was coming through the left over grey skies from the storms that it was holy week. Friday they would be putting the J on the cross. Then I got to thinking like a Buddist and how Jesus was also a master (no?) --- then I thought how much organized religion can really mess it all up. For example why are we afraid of the devil if everything was created by the devine master God? And as I had this thought - I passed a man holding a SNAKE - I kid you not. It was as bizarre as it gets.

3) Lastly, as I stood in line for my tall nonfat* extra foam latte at the Buck (*aka skinny here in the south lands - yes I know how wrong of me to tell you that and how extra wrong of me to point it out)... a little wisp of a girl (maybe 2 yrs old) was waiting with her big bro (maybe 5) and daddy. They bought there goodies and sat down. Daddy goes to get a straw or something and the two kids are sitting by themselves (being kids) next thing you know the little boy is hysterical and walks up to me as I am the closest resemblance of an adult female in the store- of course being who I am I say "what's wrong honey?!" His face was full of shock and tears were streaming from his eyes - then he blurts out - EMILY BIT ME - and lo and behold if that index finger he held up to me was bleeding from a tooth mark!!! By this time dad's alarm system is in full gear and he's back. What happen he exclaims?! Emily sly as can be is smiling. Dad swats her. Now both kids are in full scream. Lucky for me my coffee arrived and I was out-a-there...Now what I want to know is, what was big bro's finger doing in Emily's mouth?

That's it for tonight.

She blogs - he blogs - I blog

2005-03-22T12:20:00.000-05:00

Figured it was time - to start the on-line diary that everyone can read! And I want to be able to post to my friend's blogs...so here I am. I'll write more later but for now this is it. If you want to know what's going on in my life as of late visit my personal web site at www.beckyperkins.com - so OLD fashion I know!